Being Present to Myself

I believe I am whole.  I believe I am one.  I say "I am".

I am not whole.  I am not one.  Who is saying "I am"?

I am many.  I am in pieces.  I am made up of fragments, each of which says "I am".

I don't want to believe I am not whole.  It is necessary to be present to myself many times in many situations to see my fragmentation.

Unless and until I can see that I am not whole, not one, I can never be whole, never be one, never truly say "I am".

I am many:  I am a mother, I am a proud professional, I am a child, I am an angry impulse, I am a moment of indignation, a moment of shame, a moment of contempt, a weakling, a coward. None of these is the whole of me, these are fragments. I say "I am" to each but the whole of me is none of these.  Who am I?

Until I can see all of my parts, until I can accept my parts, until I can truly see and accept my parts with sincerity and compassion, I can never be whole, I can never become - there can never be I.