Being Present to Myself

I believe I am whole.  I believe I am one.  I say "I am".

I am not whole.  I am not one.  Who is saying "I am"?

I am many.  I am in pieces.  I am made up of fragments, each of which says "I am".

I don't want to believe I am not whole.  It is necessary to be present to myself many times in many situations to see my fragmentation.

Unless and until I can see that I am not whole, not one, I can never be whole, never be one, never truly say "I am".

I am many:  I am a mother, I am a proud professional, I am a child, I am an angry impulse, I am a moment of indignation, a moment of shame, a moment of contempt, a weakling, a coward. None of these is the whole of me, these are fragments. I say "I am" to each but the whole of me is none of these.  Who am I?

Until I can see all of my parts, until I can accept my parts, until I can truly see and accept my parts with sincerity and compassion, I can never be whole, I can never become - there can never be I.

I am offended....

I am offended, nearly daily, by strangers, friends and, yes, by family.  It's easy to be offended.

And yet, almost every day, I sit, in silence, and see that I'm offended.

Offense, like beauty is "in the eye of the beholder".  I am offended because I have views and feelings that I hang on to; that I deem better than someone else's.

I am also very aware, most mornings, that in this universe, vast beyond the understanding of mere homo sapiens, this planet is just a speck of dust and everything that happens on this planet is, in comparison, inconsequential. Ugliness and hatred and greed and envy still continue as do love and generosity and hope and openness and will until the end of this planet and this species. And, I let it go.