Mind and Heart So Full

The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution but is it psychology that's needed?  Sometimes I think it's mechanics.  I am mostly mechanical.  Even learning to walk seems to be a process of "training" muscles to pull myself up to a standing position, then sensing feet, legs, knees, hips; trying something, some movement, sensing what that feels like while seeing the result, whether falling down or actual movement in the direction desired.  Once the movement of feet and legs seem to be in the desired direction the mind desires, the physical parts retain the memory of how that is accomplished and walking becomes automatic.

Most of my parts, my fragments, my Is are mechanical, trained by parents, teachers, and, I imagine, a multitude of stimulus of many kinds, over years.  Movements, thoughts, "feelings" happen automatically.  I -- whichever I happens to be present -- am, most often, unaware of most of these automatically events withing myself and how they manifest in the world, to other people.  

My head maintains a few versions and images of myself that seem to turn in an endless, inner, random slide show about who and what I am.  But --

Erica Maxine 2009

Once in a while, something, some part of me appears that has some awareness of the fragmentation, of other possibilities, with a desire to collect the parts into a cohesive whole.

I find I want to catalog and classify parts, which are interested, which are not, which are strong, which are weak, which can be 'trained', which can be ignored.  I don't know if this is a useful direction.

I've been noticing the differences in how various writers express the ideas.  I find it helpful to read different writers on the same topic.  Different writers, their style of expression resonate differently in me.

I'm reading Laura's book.

I'm reading Jean Vaysse's Toward Awakening.